You Bet Your Kazekage!
by Plum Bucket and Caddish Kettle
Summary: Gaara challenges Naruto to survive a week as Kazekage with bad results. Love triangles, teenage hormones, secrets, devious plots, and everyone goes on a date with Hinata at least once. [NaruHina, GaaHina, GaaSaku]
1. Prologue

A/N: Huzzah! A new little story. It's mainly about post-time skip Naruto/Hinata, Kiba trying to sabotage the whole thing, and Sakura hooking up with Gaara in the process.Anyway, I'm not sure if this'll fly. So, if you like it, say it in a review. Or a flame. Yeah, flame. Make my day—you_ know_ you wanna!

Disclaimer: All the characters are property of Masashi Kishimoto. No money is made from this story and no copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Get a taste of what life would be like if Naruto was in charge when Gaara challenges him to survive a week in his shoes as Kazekage. Mayhem, old rivalries, and romance ensues when the boys go full throttle to win their bet. Naru/Hina, slight Gaa/Saku

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You Bet Your Kazekage!  
---Prologue---

With the hype resulting from the up-and-coming batch of Chuunin exams, most of Konoha's Shinobi found themselves in Sunagakure, where the examination was taking place. The Leaf's present Chuunin were there to evaluate, or to witness from the frontlines, the surefire disaster Naruto would cause on his second try. There was no way around it—something was bound to happen.

"Teamwork. It's the key to your success, Naruto," Sakura was lecturing her friend, as all of Konoha's recently appointed Chuunin—formerly known as the Rookie Nine—passed the gates of Suna, in the heart of the Wind Country. The pink-headed girl had aced her own exam during Naruto's three year absence and, therefore, felt fully qualified to dish out some friendly advice.

But Uzumaki Naruto was not a fan of _advice_, however friendly it was, even if it came from the object of his long-lasting affection. "Yeah, yeah, yeah," he rudely dismissed his teammate's suggestion with a frivolous brush of the hand, offended that Sakura assumed he needed a pep talk. "I'm going to win this with strength and not personality!"

"And why's that?" She inquired, her tone shifting from bubbly to bitterly annoyed.

"Because Naruto doesn't _have_ a personality." Inuzuka Kiba shot back at the conversing duo, shoving the fuming blond Genin out of his path, as he bypassed him on the way to Kazekage Gaara's office. Ignoring Naruto's pathetic attempt at a clever retort, Kiba walked on to catch up to Hinata, who was seemingly in deep conversation with Shino a few paces ahead. A conversation with Shino? Go figure.

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In exactly 9 days, the Chuunin exams—or, shall we call it, the Chuunin debacle—would take place. Gaara had graciously agreed to host them in Suna, where he would participate in the evaluation along side Tsunade. Something he regretted two minutes after offering. After the Shukaku had been extracted from his body, the former jinchuuriki discovered the pleasures of sleeping; something he indulged in all too often as of late.

"Gaara-sama, wake up!" Temari tentatively said, lightly shaking her brother's shoulder. She had been trying to wake him up for the past fifteen minutes with no success. It seemed as though Gaara was trying to make up for lost time by sleeping 24/7. Despite the Council of Suna's assertions that the Kazekage had become _a lazy bastard_, Gaara was hard at rest, while Temari was getting very impatient. "Damn it, Gaara!"

After a few faint knocks on the door, Shikamaru entered the Kazekage's wide circular office. "Hey, Temari. Everyone is here, they're waiting outside."

"Give me a sec, I'm working on it."

"This is troublesome, I'll be waiting outside." Having said what he came to say, the lazy exam supervisor did not exit the room without shooting a puzzled glance at the sleeping Gaara, somewhat weirded out that the former resident psychopath of Suna had turned slacker. Was Gaara giving him a run for his money? Nah! Shikamaru gave a slight nod to Temari and half-closed the door behind him.

While it was men who discovered fire, women like Temari discovered how to play with it. Impatience is the mother of invention—or however that expression goes. Grabbing the half-empty glass of water lying on the desk, she slowly poured its content on her brother's lap.

"Huh," Gaara languidly gritted out, half-drowsy, half-surprised to be so brutally jarred out of his sleep. Elbows firmly resting on the desk, he placed his head between his hands and blatantly stared up at Temari, anger rising inside him upon realizing how his sister went about waking him up. "Temari, how about you get out of my office?"

"But Gaara—I mean, Kazekage-sama—Konoha's delegation has been waiting for twenty minutes," she replied hesitantly, a twinge of fear peaking in the pit of her stomach each time her brother got angry. Something he did regularly. "And Naruto's been threatening to break down the door."

"Temari, get the hell out of my off-"

"_Your_ office, well la-dee-da!" Naruto interrupted, popping his head through the opening. Forcing his way in, he began mimicking aristocratic gesture as he pranced around Gaara's desk. Of course, nothing gets on steel nerves quite like Naruto; and Naruto knew it well. His motto was _work it_, as he continued to aggravate Suna's Kage by wrapping himself in the Kazekage robe, which was dangling from the chair.

"Temari, you can bring the rest of them in. It can't possibly get worst."

On the blonde-headed Jounin's signal, Shikamaru, at the head of the group, entered first, closely followed by Sakura. Pilling in, Inuzuka Kiba, fancying himself in charge of his own team, attempted to push Shino out of the way—with no success—and entered, head low, shortly before Ino and Chouji. Taking a deep breath as she passed the doorframe, Hinata was last to enter. Perusing the scene with soft white eyes, she stood a few steps back as the rest of Konoha's petulant Shinobi gathered around the Kazekage's desk.

"Not too shabby," Sakura pointed out, flashing a bright smile to the unresponsive Gaara, as she looked about the room.

"When I'll be Hokage," Naruto began, halting his prancing to place the Kage robe on Gaara's extended arm. "My office is going to be twice as great."

From the opposite end of the room, Kiba scoffed. "If you become Hokage, _if_."

Kiba and Naruto always engaged in this kind of verbal sparring. More rivals than friends, if one had the chance to best the other, he would jump on the occasion. Unfortunately for Naruto, he rarely had the chance to best anyone. "Being Kage is easy. Look at Gaara, he's always loafing around."

Snapping him out of his drowsy state, Naruto's comment instantly irked the Kazekage. "Where the hell did you pick up an idea like that?" He indignantly inquired, only to be met by Naruto's evasive expression. "Having Kage rank is hard work. Where did you hear this _I'm lazy_ trash?"

"Well, there's an interesting graffiti about it in the puppetry department."

"Kankurou. That knave, I'm gonna kill him…" Gaara trailed off, making a mental note to get back at his brother later. Kankurou had always been an annoyance. Still was. Through the pandemonium that the Chuunin exams were sure to cause, he vowed he would exact some sort of revenge before the end of the week. Pissing off Kankurou—still number one on Gaara's to-do list.

"Don't worry about it, Kazekage-sama," Kiba added from the sideline, giving Naruto a smug look. Inuzuka Kiba had a knack for trouble, perhaps even more so than Naruto. The latter—being his favorite target—always fell victim to the ninken master's constant jabs. "Naruto couldn't survive as Kage for a week."

Naruto's face dropped; too easily riled up. "Hey! I don't take kindly to your insults." An easy prey, indeed.

"Funny, with a face like yours, you should be used to it by now," Kiba answered, very amused.

"Stop this damn arguing," Shikamaru interjected through a deep yawn, his tone very business-like; he was taking his position as Chuunin evaluator seriously. Dealing with Temari had gotten easier over the years; dealing with the constant bickering of Naruto and Kiba still posed a problem for Konoha's professional slack artist. "It's tiring just listening to the both of you."

Gaara nodded in agreement. "Right. It's not that you _couldn't_ be Kage, Naruto." He paused before adding, " It's just that you don't have what it takes."

"WHAT?" The nine-tails host exclaimed vehemently, exacerbating the tension for everyone in the room—yet again. Uzumaki Naruto thought he had everything to be Hokage: the brains, the skills, the talent, the dedication. Not even Kazekage Gaara could tell him otherwise. He was piqued, too piqued to let any of this slide. "Why don't we bet on it, eh Gaara?"

"Bet on it?" He queried, obviously perplexed. "What do you mean by bet on it?"

"I mean, I'll take your place as Kazekage for the next, say, 7 days, and I'll prove to you that I'm Kage level."

Unlike Naruto, Gaara was not so easily baited. However aggravated he was by Naruto's constant pestering, nothing could convince him of marching into such a stupid wager. "Why the hell would I do that?" He coolly posed the question to the peevish Leaf Shinobi. "Seriously, that's the most ridiculous-"

"Playing chicken, Kazekage-sama," Kiba suddenly voiced out, interrupting Gaara's fervent admonition. Starting to like where this was going, he could not let Gaara's lack of careless stupidity stop Naruto from causing a fiasco. But, feeling the weight of the Kazekage's psychopathic flavored stare on him, he quickly felt the need to reiterate that sentence, " I mean, playing it safe. Yeah, _safe_."

Gaara never played safe—or chicken for that matter. "Fine. Take my damn place for a week. I'd also wish you luck for the Chuunin exams…but, chances are,you'll turn up dead before they start."

* * *

References for this chapter: 

1. Funny, with a face like yours, you should be used to it by now----_The Black Adder_.

That's all, methinks. If you spot something else, you can always let me know.


	2. Day One

**A/N**: This chapter is based on an episode of The Black Adder, Naruto-style. Complete crack...or crap. Depends on your point of view. Thanks to those of you who reviewed the previous chapter. What can I say, do it again! It gives me a happy and makes me post faster.

**Disclaimer**: See the previous disclaimers I wrote. I don't own jack...luckily.

**Chapter Summary**: To prove he's a hot shot Kazekage, Naruto, coaxed by Kiba, organizes the greatest party Suna has ever seen. Things start going awry when Gaara needs to be kept out of the picture.Naruto makes an ass of himself, Gaara and Hinata go on a date, and Kankurou challenges Naruto to a drinking contest. Will Kazekage Naruto survive his first day? Probably, or it would rain on my 7 part series parade.

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You Bet Your Kazekage!  
----Chapter 1. Day One----

"I quit! You hear me, q-u-i-t!"

"You can't quit! I'm firing you!" The newly appointed Kazekage fumed, slamming his hands on his desk and, with a point of his finger, directed his personal assistant towards the door. Twenty minutes in office and he already managed to aggravate someone in the room—Naruto was a method worker. Sinking back down in his chair, hands tightly clutching the armrest, he barely found the strength to look up as sharp knocks banged on the large wooden door. "Who ever it is, go away," he nonchalantly said, yet loud enough so that the person on the other side could hear.

But Inuzuka Kiba had never listened to Naruto and he sure as hell was not about to start now. Practically kicking the door in, he and Akamaru entered the Kazekage's office like mavericks, all proverbial guns blazing. Pulling up a chair in front of the disabused Kage of Suna, Kiba took place and stretched his legs up on the desk, a small pile of mud forming as his shoes dribbled on important paperwork. Knowing Kiba, he had probably splashed around in the dirt beforehand with the single purpose of seeing the look on Naruto's face. "So, I just saw Sakura storm out of here, what's up with that?" He questioned smugly, proud to know things weren't going so well.

"I just fired her," he affirmed with conviction, shooting an annoyed glance at Kiba. Naruto had asked Sakura to help him win the bet, and she had pleasantly agreed. That, until she heard of Naruto's first order of business as Kazekage. The quick-witted Naruto entering his functions with maturity and civility? Yeah, ri-ight! On the contrary, to prove that he now _owned the joint_, Uzumaki Naruto was planning the greatest _Naruto-is-Kazekage_ bash Suna had ever seen, right here in the administration building.

"A party? Hahaha!" Kiba could not stop laughing. Not only because this would incur Gaara's limitless wrath, but also because this was the perfect opportunity to show the world what an idiot Naruto could be. To make himself sound more convincing, he immediately regained his composure. "You know Naruto, a simple soiree is so boring. Why not make it a complete piss-up with booze and, well, vomiting?"

Although an appealing suggestion for a pervert like Naruto, it had one obvious drawback. "Gaara would kill me."

"He's not the boss of you," Kiba replied in chorus with a bark from Akamaru. Leaning over the desk to give the new Kage a scrutinizing look, he resumed, " I mean, unless you're too much of a coward."

Would Naruto be Naruto if he didn't fall into obvious traps and pointless taunts? Of course not. "You're right. Gaara is not the boss of me, I'm the Kazekage this week." And with that in mind, Naruto decided to plan an unprecedented booze-up in the conservative Sunagakure. Simple, right? Nothing could go wrong. _Ri-ight_.

After a few faint knocks on the door, Hinata entered the room. Although three years had not drastically changed her self confidence, it certainly gave her enough courage to walk up to Naruto and wish him luck. Stammering in check, generalized tremble under wraps, she smiled at the new Kage; it was a natural smile, she was genuinely happy to see him. "Hey Naruto-kun," she said. "How's the bet going?"

"Hinata, you'll be at the party tonight, right?"

"You mean booze-up," Kiba chimed in, sharply emphasizing the last word. "Booze-up."

"Hinata, you'll be at the booze-up tonight, right?"

"Gaara'll kill you, Naruto-kun." Trouble gravitated to Naruto like flies to honey. Hinata knew it all too well and, for some strange reason, couldn't help being drawn to him too. As a short giggle escaped her lips, she languidly nodded in the affirmative, her long bangs falling over her face while she shook her head.

"Don't worry," Naruto replied surprised, and somewhat impressed, that Hinata planned on showing up at his less-than-savory party. But everything about Naruto was less than savory. Lowering his tone, bringing it down to a secretive whisper, he continued explaining his scheme, "Nothing can go wrong as long as Gaara doesn't find out about the booze-up."

"Did someone say booze-up?" Kankurou interjected curiously, bursting through the door without invitation. The Sand Nin had been eavesdropping on their conversation since Hinata walked in. Giving Naruto a smug look, he pursued, "Not only will Gaara kill you but, Naruto, you're the worst drinker ever. Rumor has it you took a small sip of sake while out with that Ero-Sennin and passed out drunk, naked in the streets of Konoha."

Ignoring Naruto's heated stare and the fact that he was about to throw an anger tantrum, Kiba doubled over with an irksome little chuckle. Not only was it hilarious, it was true. "News travels fast around here," he said, unable to articulate properly due to the overwhelming bout of laughter coming over him.

"That's a lie," the man in question replied, instantly and completely set ablaze.

Kankurou nodded politely in attempts to make it look as though he believed Naruto, but the cheeky grin on his face told otherwise. Even Naruto didn't buy it—and that, in itself, said a lot. Shifting from pseudo-apologetic to a more genuine arrogance, he said, "I don't mean to be rude, _Kazekage-sama_, but it was in the Konoha Newsletter. Someone even took pictures."

Luckily for Kiba, Naruto was too caught up in his rage fit to notice the guilty look rising on the Ninken master's face. To cover up, he quickly filled the awkward silence with nothing short of another troublemaking scheme. "Since we're holding a booze-up, why not make a drinking competition out of it?" Kiba suggested. "Naruto'll prove that he can take his alcohol. Maybe you'll save face, eh Naruto?" Naruto saving face? Not likely.

"You're on," Kankurou said cocksure, convinced he was going to win. "See you there, Naruto-kun. Last one standing wins." And with that, he exited from where he came.

Lightly shaking her head in playful disappointment, Hinata softly spoke up. "You have a lot of bets going on, Naruto-kun. I'm sure you're going to win them all," she said, still flashing him her most gentle smile. Seemed like Naruto was pleased with Hinata's reassuring presence because he reciprocated by giving her an equally endearing smile despite the fact that he was boiling with rage inside.

Determined to put the proverbial kibosh into Naruto's goings-on, Kiba continued, his tone as slick a salesman, "I'd wipe that smile off my face if I were you, Naruto-kun, we still have to find a way to keep Gaara busy all evening. And knowing Sakura, she's probably on her way to tip him off about your party." He paused shortly, his gaze resting on Naruto. "I could go stall her for you."

"Since when are you doing stuff for me?"

"Don't get my wrong, Naruto. It's us against them. If you lose this bet, it reflects bad upon all of us." Strangely enough, Kiba was quite persuasive. Did he have something up his sleeve? Of course. Inuzuka Kiba always had a plan. And this one was seemingly fool proof. Scratch that, Naruto proof.

"Right. Then get your ass moving and find her," Naruto shouted, directing Kiba out of his office with a rude gesture like he had done for Sakura earlier. On that note, Kiba strolled out of Kazekage Naruto's office, a cheesy smile forming on his small features.

_Sucker. _

After suspiciously watching Kiba striding out of the office so unceremoniously, Hinata immediately turned her attention back on the new Kazekage. "Errr, Naruto-kun. We have to talk..."

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"Sakura-chan! Sakura-chan!" Kiba shouted from down the hall, stopping the pink-headed girl dead in her tracks.

Whirling around, she turned to face Kiba, who was panting, short of breath, surely due to the fact that he had sprinted his way to her. A bit curious, she said, "Something important, Kiba?"

Generally speaking, Sakura was no stool pigeon and had no intention of warning Gaara about the party. However, convincing Naruto of that fact was all Kiba needed to put his own plan to action. "Yeah...something very important...have you seen Gaara? I have to tell him the funniest story."

From an adjacent room, hidden behind a half-opened door, Naruto was desperately trying to keep his mouth shut. Turning to the black-headed girl who was leaning over his shoulders, he spoke in the barest of whispers, "You were right. He is planning on telling Gaara everything."

"Shhh, Naruto-kun," Hinata silenced him upon noticing the furtive glances Akamaru was shooting around the room—more specifically, in their general direction. When Kiba's dog turned his attention back on Sakura, Hinata, pulling the enraged Naruto away from the door, continued, "We just have to find Gaara first and make up some clever excuse."

"Hinata! You're brilliant," he nearly exclaimed as the two of them rushed towards Gaara's quarters.

It was only two blocks down, on the last floor. Rushing up the stairs, Naruto and Hinata managed to get there before Kiba but, it was impossible to get Gaara to open the door. "Open up, Damn it. Gaara, you lazy bastard!" Naruto shouted from the outside. It was to no avail. If Kiba was heading this way, better do something fast. "Shikamaru! Get your hands off Temari!" Uzumaki Naruto, master strategist.

"Clever, Naruto-kun."

Luckily for him, that outburst had the desired effect. Opening the door like a zealot, Gaara rushed into the corridor right past Naruto, frantically looking left and right. "Huh? Where the...Oh! Guess it was just a bad dream," he mumbled, a bit ashamed of himself. Finally noticing the two of them standing there, he addressed Naruto, "Ready to give up?"

"Not likely," Naruto said, shifting his gaze from Hinata to Gaara. "So, Gaara, what are you doing tonight? Something special?"

"No, not really..."

"That's great! Mind if we come in," Naruto asked and, without waiting for Gaara's response, forged his way in the room followed by Hinata. It was a circular room with small windows covering nearly half the wall. There was a mezzanine overlooking Gaara's personal study and up the spiraling staircase, his quiet bedroom. Very classy. Taking a seat in the study, Naruto and Hinata waited for the stupefied Gaara to come back in.

However, before the former jinchuuriki could return to his room, he was intercept by Kiba, hurriedly dragging himself up the stairs. "Gaara-sama! Wait!"

"What now?" Gaara queried disinterestedly, waiting for an excuse to throw everybody out of his quarters and go back to sleep.

"I must tell you," he paused, taking the time to savor his up-and-coming victory, "I must tell you about Naruto's party..."

Anger suddenly twisting his features, he turned his heated glare inside the room, to Naruto, and exclaimed, "Naruto's what?"

Popping his head out the door to glare at Kiba, Naruto had to think fast of a way to salvage the situation. He could tell by the look on Gaara's face that these might be his last words. Or, by the smug look on Kiba's face, that if he lived to see another day, Kiba was so in for it. That bastard. "You didn't let Kiba finish. He meant to say Naruto's _part in_...you going on a date tonight." He rushed the finish of that sentence.

"Nice save, cretin..."

"My going on a what?" Gaara seemed more shocked than angry. A good thing.

"Yeah," he breathed out, relieved but still in need of keeping up the charade. " You and...Hinata!" It was not that Naruto deliberately wanted to send Hinata on a date with Gaara, but she was the first person he could think of. He instantly regretted it and yet, it was the perfect solution. Hinata was trustworthy and would keep an eye on Gaara till the party was over.

"W-why would I agree to this nonsense," Gaara questioned, unable to conceal the blush coming to his cheeks as he looked back at Hinata, the latter who immediately came the door to see why her name had been mentioned.

The young girl was also awestruck. She couldn't believe Naruto had sold her out like that—especially that she was expecting to show up at his party that evening. Not that spending the night out with Gaara was so repulsive, it was just not with Naruto and therefore, not good enough. Hinata blushed also, at lost for words.

"You wouldn't want to offend Hinata, would you?" Naruto insisted.

"No, I guess not," Gaara hesitated.

"Then it's settled. Pick her up at seven!" Naruto's party started at eight. With Gaara out with Hinata, he'd be none the wiser, and Naruto would prove once and for all he was in complete control.

Everything would of worked out if—and there's always an if—Kiba had kept his mouth shut. "Yeah, that's right. That's what I was going to say...and also that Naruto offered to chaperon." That same cocky smile, he looked at Naruto and then back at Gaara, "You know, because he takes his duty as Kage very seriously."

Before Naruto could rush to protest, Gaara nodded in the affirmative. "Alright, then I'll see you both tonight," he said awkwardly before shutting the door in Naruto's face.

Once he was sure Gaara was out of hearing range, Naruto aggressively turned to face Kiba. "I'm going to kill you."

"Calm down, you idiot. I just saved the day," Kiba affirmed, trying to salvage his own game. He had to persuade Naruto that he was still on his side. "It was obvious Gaara suspected something, this way you just check on them once in a while, and your booze-up remains a secret. Everybody wins"

"Right," Naruto agreed, his tone wavering. Maybe Kiba truly had his best interest at heart. It was not so crazy; he could keep an eye on Gaara and Hinata, and host his party at the same time, and no one would know.

"I don't mean to be rude, Naruto-kun," Hinata interjected, "But aren't you forgetting something?"

"Don't worry Hinata, I've got this all under control. The important part is that the party takes place, I don't really have to be there all the time. I'll check on you and Gaara, and I'll excuse myself every once in a while to check on the party. Kiba's right, everyone wins." Indeed. Nothing could possibly go wrong. Naruto had it all figured out. Not a detail in his carefully elaborated scheme escaped him. Except for one thing...

"And what about your drinking contest with Kankurou?"

"Ohhh! Damn!"

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"Right! From the top," Naruto began, recapitulating his plans for the evening to his team—which consisted of only Kiba and Hinata. Almost seven o' clock, the sun was disappearing between the sand dunes, and the Kazekage's office was filled with a fiery orange glow. Hinata was wearing a dress Naruto had selected for her, ready for her date. If this worked, he'd surely be off the hook. "I go with Hinata and Gaara on their date, while Kiba, you Henge no Jutsu into me and win the drinking competition. Everybody got it?"

"You bet," they replied in unison.

All in all, if the party took place at the Suna administration building—where you could find the Kazekage's office—and Hinata was out on the town with Gaara, nothing could go wrong. On top of that, in the guise of Naruto, Kiba could win the drinking contest, and everything would go back to normal. _Sure_.

"Gaara-sama is here," Hinata pointed out, looking down the window. "Let's go Naruto-kun."

Both of them rushed down the stairs. It was important to meet Gaara at the door, lest he came in and realized something was afoot. Dating was not Gaara's stock and trade, that's why he was so relieved that Naruto had offered to chaperon. Still, trying to be the perfect gentleman, he brought Hinata a small bouquet of Cosmos, apparently the only flower you could find in Sunagakure.

Naruto frowned as he offered them to the blushing Hinata, imagining that he could of done better. _Gaara, you are so lame_.

Hinata graciously thanked him as he offered her his arm—surely a stunt learnt from some late movie—and accompanied her for a walk on the town. It seemed as though they hit it off because they suddenly forgot about Naruto's presence and carried on with their conversation. What can a shy girl and psychopathic ex-jinchuuriki have to talk about? Go figure. It even puzzled Naruto to the point that he felt like breaking it off.

Two hours into their date, seated a classy restaurant—Kazekages did not need reservations—Gaara was disgustingly slurping down gizzards, to everyone's growing disgust, while Hinata calmly ate the dry plums she had ordered, desperately trying not to stare. In some respects, Gaara was even more clueless than Naruto.

_Not suave, Gaara. Not suave_, Naruto thought to himself, wide-eyed at the sight of Gaara's poor dating etiquette. Still convinced he could of done better, his mind drifted towards his party. It would be about time to check on it before Kiba did something terrible in his guise. That bastard could only be trusted so much. "If you'll excuse me for a second, I have...to go to the bathroom," he said as he rushed out of his seat.

Looking up from his food, Gaara spoke, his mouth half-full, "If he was going to the bathroom, why did he just head outside?"

"Errrrr, food poisoning, Gaara-sama?" Hinata answered meekly. Cover-ups weren't her thing.

------------------------

"Psssst! Kiba!" Naruto whispered from behind a giant potted plan. He had sneaked in the building, carefully making sure no one saw him. With Kiba taking his place, it would make for an awkward situation if someone noticed two Narutos in the room. "You better behave yourself, you idiot." As if Naruto actually behaved himself in society, let alone in a perverted drink fest.

Yet, his booze-up truly was the bash of the year. Everyone was there partying, living it up—especially Jiraiya who had amassed a large amount of women on his lap. Leaning conspicuously on the wall next to the real Naruto, Kiba spoke up, "Everything's going great. We're all inaugurating your promotion to Kage. Someone even vomited in your office as...a show of love."

"Great, so I guess I can get back to Gaara and Hinata..."

"Oh! On a related matter, Kankurou wanted to up the ante on your drinking bet," Kiba said, his smiling nearly up his ears. Leave it to Kiba to change the rules in mid-play. "And, I agreed in your name."

"You better win in my name, too," Naruto contented himself with stating, completely oblivious to the new terms of his drinking venture. Of course, he knew everyone was right; his resistance to strong alcohol was quasi-nil. Luckily for him, Kiba was there to face off Kankurou—whatever the new game plan was, it did not matter as long Kiba won.

Before he could whisk back to Hinata and her sloppy-eater of a date, Naruto was stopped mid-course by Kankurou, cockily shifting his gaze from Naruto to Kiba, the latter who had suddenly terminated the effects of his cloning Jutsu. Was this all a trap laid by Kiba? Most likely. "Trying to get out of our little bet, eh?" Kankurou looked down on him. Tall man, that Kankurou.

Poor Naruto; trapped and forced to go through with his bet. "Errrrr...no, not really." With that, Kankurou tossed him a large bottle of sake.

"Hope for you sake you win, Naruto," Kiba shouted out as a clamoring crowd began cheering on the contestants. "Because Gaara'll find it mighty suspicious if you end up naked in the streets like last time."

------------------------

"Well, I had a nice time tonight," Hinata said as Gaara walked her back to her room.

"I wonder what happened to Naruto, though," he questioned. Something was indeed suspicious. "Or is that him tottering this way?"

If only to confirm Gaara's growing skepticism, Naruto staggered down the street, trolling a rather funny tune about pigs and leprechauns. "Hey hey, it's Gaara," he intoned drunkenly between the verses of his song. So much for keeping a low profile around Gaara. "I think...I lost the bet...damn Kankurou."

"What bet?" Gaara queried sharply, his eyes narrowing in scrutiny. Never piss off a sociopath.

"Ohhh! Naruto bet with Kankurou that he wouldn't get food poisoning by coming to the restaurant with us...I guess he lost," Hinata interjected, a bit skittish about Gaara's reaction. Probably because Hyuuga Hinata was the worst liar the world had ever seen.

"Alright then," Gaara said. Can you believe he bought it? "I'll help you take him home." When it comes to being a gentlemen, one couldn't say Gaara did not try hard.

"Don't worry, I have it covered," she replied, gaining some self-assurance as she realized her story was catching on. "In Konoha, we're all used to him vomiting—and ending up naked in the streets—when he gets _food_ poisoning. Nothing to be alarmed by." With that, she threw Naruto's arm over her shoulder, and waving Gaara goodbye, she took the new Kazekage back to his room.

Day one: crisis averted.

--------------------

Thanks for reading. Please review!


	3. Day Two

A/N: Errr, nothing notable. I changed the summary. Yeah, I'm sure this is very fascinating to ya'll. Just read the damn thing...and review. Thanks.

Disclaimer: Naruto is property of Kishimoto Masashi. No money is being made and no copyright infringement is intended.

Summary: Iwagakure's Tsuchikage is in Suna for a diplomatic visit. A faux-pas from Naruto and this could mean war. Meanwhile, Kankurou makes sure Naruto keeps up his end of their drinking bet, and Sakura isn't happy about it. Gaara manifests an interest in Hinata, and Naruto isn't happy about it. Kiba is just there to make things worst. And don't forget the cockroach!

* * *

You Bet Your Kazekage!  
---Chapter 2. Day Two (Part One of Two)---

"There's a cockroach in my office!" Naruto bellowed as he stood in front of a bug the size of a miniature dog strategically placed on his desk like a bad omen for his second day in office. Its large beady eyes fixated on him, Naruto maintained its gaze determined not to let some insect best him in a staring contest. Never let a cockroach stare you down, it'll own you forever.

Perfectly still, unmoving, empty-eyed, the bug made no motion to leave when Naruto—still struggling not to blink—began poking the uninvited guest with a used pencil. If cockroaches could yawn, it's exactly what this one would have been doing while the pointy end cracked against its hard black shell. Points for the cockroach.

"That's it, you die," he fiercely cried out, a poignant battle cry, as he threw himself with arms extended—a strangulating gesture—on top of his desk. Overshooting his mark, Naruto fell flat across the wooden desk and, as luck would have it, it caved in under his weight in a loud crash. Papers flying, a mishmash of office supplies over the floor, the frustrated Kage could hear the sound of miniscule paws scurrying away from the mess. Winner of round two: the cockroach.

Dusting himself off in three sharp strokes, Naruto wildly looked around the room before resting his murderous glare on the arrogant insect. Naruto's new _friend_ had crawled up on adjacent bookshelves, the same impassive eyes fixated on the Kage. The annoyingly calm bug clashed with the frantic zealot when Naruto gave in to his violent impulses and darted violently towards the shelves. Through the cling-clang of the books, vases, and mirrors collapsing on the floor, the young Shinobi did not hear the crunching sound of a squished bug, but the more disturbing tic-tic of little paws rushing away from the scene. A definite smack down for the cockroach.

"Naruto-kun! What's wrong?" Hinata rushed in the office, alarmed by the ruckus.

Jumping back to his feet, he brusquely turned to Hinata. "There's a damn cockroach in my office. Where is it? I'm gonna kill it..."

Looking around, her eyes brushing over the decadent mess caused by another Naruto rage fit and resting on the windowsill, Hinata noticed the Kazekage's object of torment. "Ohhh! That's not an ordinary cockroach, Naruto-kun. That's the Tsuchikage's Kuchiyose no Jutsu. She keeps it with her all the time. Best to leave it alone."

"Tsuchikage? Summoning technique?" Naruto was easily confused. "What can a cockroach do for a ninja? Wait, I don't want to know." This insect was nothing more than a crawly omen to another disastrous day. At least Kiba hadn't showed up yet.

Hinata couldn't help but giggle; it was so like Naruto to be completely unprepared. "You have a meeting with the Godaime Tsuchikage this evening, Gaara-sama told me last night."

"He mentioned that to _you_ and not _me_?" Naruto's wavering tone was edged with a growing anger. Who knew that in one measly evening, in a poorly-lit restaurant, that sloppy eater and Hinata had gotten so close. For Naruto, that was inconceivable. Gaara and Hinata had nothing in common, right? Hinata was not supposed to make friends with him, only distract him, and Gaara, he thought, was nothing more than a prat.

Hinata nodded slightly. The assessing look on Naruto's face was shaming her at best, intimidating her at worst. Everyone could jump the guns, it just seemed like Naruto was always the one to jump them first. "Maybe I can help you get ready," she said, hoping for a change of subject.

"Say, Hinata," Naruto quizzed her in a tone that could lead to anything but business. "What else did you and Gaara talk about last night?" The question had an unexpected depth as it passed his lips, something he would of instantly took back. Before he realized it, Naruto was no longer sounding like the overprotective brother but the jealous lover. Not the effect he was looking for.

She couldn't see herself, but Hinata knew by the searing heat covering her cheeks that she was madly blushing. "Naruto-kun...you're g-getting weird."

"Implying that he was normal before?" Kankurou interjected while leaning cockily in the doorframe like he owned the place. Entering a place when uninvited—and unwelcome—seemed to be Kankurou's _modus operandi_. Same with giving his two cents. "By the way, I love what you did with the office."

Naruto's frown deepened. "Watch me do the same to your face."

"Hangover getting you irritable, Kazekage-sama?" Kankurou replied, arms folded over his stomach, while cracking up in a little tittering that could annoy Buddha himself. Nothing annoys quite like Kankurou. And maybe Kiba. But the Sand Nin had no intention of cutting Naruto some slack. "Well, I'm here to collect on our bet. Which, as everyone agreed, I won."

"What was the object of _this_ wager, Naruto-kun?" Hinata innocently demanded, shifting everyone's attention to her.

Kankurou looked at Hinata as if something important had just occurred to him. "That reminds me, Hinata," Kankurou said at length. "Gaara is looking for you."

She blanched at the mention of Gaara's name. "D-do you have any idea what for?" She almost stammered. There was only two possible reasons Gaara could be looking for her. One, he found out about Naruto's booze-up and knows she lied about it. Two...two was too strange and probably out of the question.

"I haven't the foggiest but, if he got out of bed to look around for you, it must be." He paused then added, "Bastard never gets out of bed."

She acquiesced with a slight nod of the head, and as she waved Naruto goodbye, left for Gaara's quarters. Hinata was always polite and gracious. Even if Gaara instilled the fear of God in her, it was not in her nature to avoid him. That would have been rude.

"Back to the matter at hand, you were about to acknowledge my superiority by-- " Kankurou stopped dry, his smile widening as the exasperated Naruto patiently awaited the end of his sentence. Suspense, never leave home without it. "By setting me up on a date with Sakura tonight."

"Say WHAT?" Naruto exclaimed. It was Kiba, in the guise of Naruto, who had agreed to the terms. Caught between Hinata's date with Gaara and the drinking competition, Naruto had completely forgot to ask Kiba what were these new terms. His bad. "Never, not Sakura-chan. Try Ino, I hear she's free."

"Don't get all moody about it," Kankurou continued with the same smug look on his face. He was getting cockier by the minute. "A bet is a bet, Naruto-kun."

"I'm Kazekage, try and make me," he said, speaking like a disgruntled child.

"It's not like you're actually dating her, is it?"

"Mind your own business, fatso."

"You might be Kazekage for the next few days, but the 'date' job doesn't have your name on it," he grunted.

Pulling a sheet of paper out of the messy pile where an orderly desk once stood, Naruto cleared his throat, and spoke in a disturbingly calm voice, "Coincidentally, I have something with _your_ name on it, Kankurou. Oh! Would you look at that, it's a death warrant!" He gritted out, emphasizing these last two words.

"I guess I'll be telling Gaara about your booz--"

"...Pick her up at eight..."

---------------------------

"Gaara-sama, you wanted to see me?"

"Hinata. Yes, I--" Gaara was at loss for words. Fumbling Gaara? Who would of thought. Admitting to Hinata that he enjoyed her company and wished to see more of her—not in _that_ way, you perverts—was harder than he thought. "Well, I, errrr, wanted to know how Naruto was doing?"

"He's fine, you can rest easy," she accidentally blurted out. Cracking a joke about Gaara's bizarre sleeping pattern was the last thing Hinata wanted to do. She brought her hand up to cover her mouth apologetically.

He smiled. In Gaara's eyes, there was something endearing about her shyness, something sweet. Hinata was nothing like his raging fan club of girls willing to do anything—and I mean _anything_—to get a second look and she was nothing like the regular bigots of Suna that only looked up to him in fear. She was different but, good different.

"If that was all, I'll go back to check up on--"

"No," he interrupted her with a sharpness he later regretted. "Actually, there was something else."

"What is it, Gaara-sama?"

"Actually, I wanted us to--"

"HINATA! HINATA!" Naruto was rushing down the hall, shouting loudly enough to land him a starring role in _A Streetcar Named Desire_. "We have an emergency."

Slowly turning towards Suna's makeshift Kazekage, Gaara flashed him his best death-glare. "An emergency, Naruto," he quizzed him, an underlying threat in his words. A dangerous, psychopathic tone. One that made you want to runaway. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Naruto didn't quite expect to come face-to-face with Gaara, and 'emergency', along with 'booze-up', was a word Gaara needn't hear. "You never let me finish," he answered self-righteously. "We have an emergency meeting with--" Well, Naruto's inventive genius had its limits.

"With Shino, our cockroach expert," Hinata finished for him. It was the best lie Hinata could come up with. And it was no doubt better than whatever Naruto could dish out.

"Nothing better happen to the Tsuchikage's summon, Naruto," Gaara insisted in a scolding tone. This was a challenge of Naruto's leadership qualities with high consequences. "If something happens to it, she'll surely declare war. And if she declares war, I'll surely kill you, you got that?"

"Yes, sir," he answered with obvious sarcasm.

"Now go take care of that cockroach and get lost," Gaara added before turning his attention back on Hinata. Softening up his tone, he coolly spoke, "Where was I? Hinata, I was thinking that tonight we might go..." He paused, suddenly feeling Naruto leaning over his shoulder. "Didn't I tell you to get lost?"

There was something about Gaara's pathetic attempts at wooing Hinata that bothered him. "I'm waiting for Hinata," Naruto blatantly replied, a resolute expression on his face, determined to make himself as much a nuisance as humanly possible. Not that it was something he had to work at.

Gaara had many things going for him; looks, power, the genuine broodiness that women find attractive. Patience was not one of those things. "Why don't you go wait in a dumpster...which is where they'll find various parts of you if you don't _get lost_."

"I think I'll just wait here," Naruto said, taking a few steps back but not enough to be out of hearing range. Gaara coming on to Hinata, much like one of those things you can't buy with your MasterCard, was bound to be priceless.

"Hinata," he reiterated for the fifth time that day, including the one time he practiced in the mirror that morning. "I would like it if we had another--"

"Are you done over there?" Naruto hollered, interrupting Gaara yet again.

This is why he was called Gaara of the Sand and not Gaara of the Pick-up Lines.

-----------------------------

"What the hell happened here?" Kiba questioned openly to the empty office upon noticing the terrible state it was in.

Following him was Shino, expressionlessly glancing about the dimly lit room with a pair of sunglasses on. Resting his eyes on the black mound laying immobile on the windowsill, he instantly knew what it was. "Look, a cockroach," he remarked, calling the insect to him.

To Kiba's astonishment, it obeyed. "That is just disgusting, my friend." As if it hadn't occurred to him before, he pursued, "But what the hell is that idiot of a wannabe Kazekage doing with a cockroach. I knew he had a hard time making friends but who knew he'd sink so low..."

"It's a demon cockroach," Shino pointed out. "It belongs to the Tsuchikage."

"Tsuchikage?"

"Remember the 'built' woman you insulted on our way here?"

Kiba seemed shocked. "I insulted someone?"

"Yes," Shino commented in the most serious of tones. "The one you called 'unspeakably fat' before referring to yourself as Uzumaki Naruto."

"Oh! It's all coming back to me, now." Inuzuka Kiba, PR man.

"She's the Tsuchikage."

"This is turning out better than I thought," Kiba said through a short bout of laughter.

Interrupting the conversing duo were Naruto and Hinata, finally back at the office. "I can't believe you said yes," the blond Shinobi stated, a bit grumpy about the whole Gaara thing. Hinata and Gaara on yet another date, suddenly the expression 'how troublesome' started to make sense.

Slightly frowning as she stepped in the doorframe, Hinata replied, "It wouldn't be so hard if you'd stop making him so angry all the time."

"Hey, you two," Kiba said in a cheery tone as they entered. "Nice office, I love what you did with the place. Your flair for decorating really strikes me, Naruto-kun."

"The only thing that's going to strike you is my fist if you don't shut up."

"Hold your horses there, Naruto," Kiba rushed to appease the situation. "I just want to help you."

Desperate, Naruto acquiesced with a slight nod of the head. "You want to help? Then keep this cockroach safe till we get back, Hinata and I have some work to do."

-----------------------------

Sakura was pleasantly sitting under a tree near the medicine storehouse when it happened. Reading a book she had picked up from Suna's impressive library, she barely had the time to notice Naruto approaching her at precarious speed while languidly flipping through the pages of the _History of Suna Medics_. Ever the intellectual, that Sakura.

"Sakura-chan," Naruto called out from the other side of the sandy field. "Sakura-chan!"

"Naruto," she sounded surprised as she snapped the pages of her book shut. "And Hinata, you're here, too. What's up?"

Hinata had a hard time ingesting the fact that Naruto qualified Kankurou wanting to take Sakura on a date an 'emergency' while he had completely thrown her in the arms of Gaara for a silly party. When it became obvious why, she was instantly crestfallen. It was something akin to sadness, close to disappointment, the feeling that she would always be second to Haruno Sakura.

"Earth to Hinata," Sakura insisted as she waved her hand back and forth in front of the absent-minded girl. "Do you copy?" The pink-headed girl was intrigued to say the least.

"Sorry," she hesitantly said. "What?"

"Naruto says you have something to tell me..."

It was just like Naruto to share the burden. Knowing that Sakura would never let him live it down if he confessed she was the object of his drinking bet, he thought it would be a better plan if Hinata broke the news—well, not the whole news. Some parts were conveniently left out. "Yes, well, Kankurou and Gaara-sama offered to show us around Suna tonight, want to come?"

"You mean like on a double date?"

"W-who said date?" Hinata stammered. Easily stressed out, that girl. "Did I say d-date? I didn't say date. Did you say date, Naruto-kun?"

"You bet your ass I didn't say date," he scoffed, a lingering tinge of anger in his voice. Damn that Kankurou and his high tolerance to alcohol.

"Alright then, if it isn't a date," Sakura answered with a disarming smile, making her almost seem eager. "What time?"

"Kankurou'll pick you up at eight," Naruto said matter-of-factly. Taking his leave, he waved as the two girls stayed to chat, "See you later, ladies." If Kankurou kept his big mouth shut during their date, chances are Sakura would be none the wiser. Meanwhile, there was still the matter of that damn cockroach. Who knows the damage Kiba could cause in 20 minutes. Best not to ask.

----------------------------

Walking back to his office, Naruto noticed Kiba and Shino outside, standing over a small raging fire. Rushing to the scene, he ignored Kiba's doped expression and focused on what was burning. It was small, black, and...insect-like. Oh, damn! "You burnt the cockroach!" Naruto frantically exclaimed.

Doing a sort of shuffle with his feet, he defended himself, "It was the most humane thing I could do after it got stabbed by that Kunai."

Clearly distinguishing the kanji of 'Inuzuka Kiba' on the aforementioned Kunai, Naruto continued, "_Your_ Kunai, Kiba."

"Well, I had to put it out of its misery. You know, after it got mauled by that dog."

"_Your_ dog, Kiba."

"Naruto, you've got more important things to do than pester me about that cockroach," he exclaimed while trying to subtly nudge Shino into lending a hand. "Think of what that Godaime Tsuchikage will do once she finds out you killed her precious cockroach."

"_You_ killed the cockroach, Kiba!"

"Whatever. What matters is that I have the perfect plan to get you out of trouble." Kiba's diatribe was getting all the more heated. He was really working out his banter. Points for him. "You are going to seduce the Tsuchikage and she'll forget all about your cockroach debacle."

"_Your_ coackroach debacle, Kiba," Naruto replied half-convinced. "But that idea isn't so crazy. How is she?"

"Well, she's 'built' and 'stacked'," Kiba affirmed, a smiling curling his lips. "Perfect for you. I'll make sure to relay the message that Uzumaki Naruto is inviting her for a _romantic_ evening."

"Alright, it's my only chance." Little did Naruto know, according to the Godaime Tsuchikage, someone named Uzumaki Naruto had called her 'unspeakably fat' in the middle of the streets that afternoon. This would definitely be a night to remember...

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A/N: Thanks to those who reviewed chapter one, the both of you! Got time to spare? Beta my fic! I absolutely hate rereading myself, which causes me to make tones of mistakes, so if you wanna, send me an Email, I'd be totally honored if someone would volunteer. Seriously.

References:

1. The whole _you burnt the cockroach_ speech – The Black Adder


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